


A rooftop phone call

by Im_only_mildly_ashamed



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, I just want the little gay morons to be happy., I just..., I tried angst, Look guys, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, References to Sex, Severe corn, aaaaangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 04:32:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8735014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_only_mildly_ashamed/pseuds/Im_only_mildly_ashamed
Summary: Killua and Gon split up years ago.Killua finds a way to get high and has a terrible, possibly deadly idea.It ends better than he'd hoped.





	

“Gon?”

Killua’s voice was laced with an insane amount of something indescribable.

His speech slurred and mashed together, coming out more like a slushie than a word.

“Hey Killua, is that you?”

Gon sat up and flipped the bedside lamp on.

Killua spoke again, his clarity little improved.

“You know I loved you right?”

His words still stumbled out, and Gon was immediately alarmed.

Any kind of affection was foreign to Killua’s early life, so for him to talk openly about love was hugely unexpected.

Gon ignored the butterflies in his stomach and focused on the fear stacking up on itself somewhere under his lungs.

“Killua, are you ok?”

There was a staticky chuckle.

“Even after something like that you’re worried about the good-for-nothing.”

“Killua is not good for nothing.”

Gon spoke with a firmness that surprised even him.

Killua laughed again.

Or maybe he cried.

Things like that were impossible over the phone.

“You really believe that?”

Killua was finally able to get some inflection through his hugely slurred language.

He sounded incredulous.

Someone stirred behind Gon.

Gon stayed focused.

“I do.”

He laughed (cried?) again.

“Of course you do.”

Gon swapped the phone to his other ear and motioned for the person on the other side of the bed to the door.

“Killua should believe it too.”

The pasty man on the other side of the bed shook his head, then signaled for money.

More crying (laughter?).

Gon threw his wallet at the man and moved the phone a little from his mouth to hiss.

“Get out!”

“Oh Gon, you don’t need to kick him out for little old me.”

Gon froze, suddenly very afraid.

The door shut, seeing the man out.

“Killua.”

Gon’s voice sounded that kind of over the top calmness reserved for absolute panic.

“Where are you?”

Killua didn’t laugh or cry this time.

“The roof.”

Killua didn’t slur his speech anymore.

“You didn’t answer my question. Are you ok?”

Gon did his best to keep his face and voice neutral.

“Well, Gon there are only so many reasons someone goes to the roof-”

Gon immediately turned to sprint for the door.

“I wouldn’t do that.”

Gon stopped, his heels leaving burns dragged into the carpet.

“You never know what could push a man to suicide.”

Gon’s entire world collapsed.

He put it in a tiny box in the corner of his mind.

Later.

“Don’t worry Gon, I don’t want to die. Provided you play along, I don’t have to break my sister’s heart.”

Gon’s brain flicked on and off like a light switch.

“It was hard to arrange this. Hard to plan it out so you would listen, really listen, but I guess this worked.”

_click click click click_

Gon brain snapped like a gun with no ammo.

“You’re probably planning something stupid. Don’t. Please. Just listen. You owe at least me that.”

Gon nodded, the realized Killua probably couldn’t see that.

En couldn’t really capture really specific movements.

“I’ll listen, but Killua has to promise-”

“Nothing.”

Corrected Killua’s slurry, crackly voice.

They stayed in some stunned silence.

“We were really were stupid weren’t we?”

Gon was fairly sure Killua chuckled after that.

“I mean, we learned a little about nen and thought we were kings of the world.”

Gon swallowed wet and heavy.

“And the ants…”

Killua sniffled, telling that apparently he’d cried at some point.

“I set all this up so I didn't have to look at you. I don't think I could've done that.”

The words clattered around in Gon’s cavernous, useless brain like the sound of armor dropped in an empty castle.

“You can forgive someone without ever wanting to see them again.”

Gon’s tiny box of his collapsed world shuddered and creaked from the far corner of his brain.

The butterflies in his stomach seemed to have died and rotted.

“God, I loved you more than life. That wouldn’t have been hard, but you get the point.”

With his entire world in a box in the corner, he’d constructed a temporary replacement.

It’s only purpose was to save Killua.

“My entire life, every person who claimed to love me tortured me or was missing from the picture all together.”

Gon was pretty sure Killua chuckled again.

“And in comes this beautiful, innocent child, a saint who couldn’t care less about the people I’d killed, and he chooses me. Me, the screw up mass murderer who ran away from home. God, you could turn off the sun with that kind of love”

Killua’s voice had this far-away sound in it that implied Killua was just in a different place of intoxicated, not even close to sober.

Killua sobbed.

Gon was positive this time.

“And then the sun was gone, in an explosion of light and hair and pain. Do you remember what you said to me?”

The stilted silence told Gon he was supposed to speak.

“No.”

His voice was this dry, crackly thing.

“Liar. Or did it mean nothing to you either?”

Gon clenched his empty fist.

The inside of his hand tore under his nails.

“Killua-”

“If you were about to apologize, I will toss myself off the roof. Sorry is not what I want.”

Gon waited a moment.

“Then what do you want?”

“You know the icing on the cake? After years of dead silence, I’d finally tracked you down, ready to confront you, and there you are, fucking some hooker who looks kind of like me. Now I think to myself, ‘well, must be some coincidence, maybe he just has a type’ and then I hear, just barely over the grunting, my fucking name.”

Gon rather hated himself for that habit of his.

He wished the thoughts of his estranged friend and sex could shoved to opposite corners of the mind, but slowly in the years since their separation, the two grew thoughts around each other like an impossible weed.

He could never pull them apart, and he’d tried.

“Killua.”

The lithe man on the other side of the line made no response.

“I’m sorry.”

“Goodbye Gon.”

“No.”

“What.”

“You don’t get it do you?”

“Get what?”

Gon actually laughed.

It was not his normal good natured, low chuckle.

This was a pitchy, hysterical _thing_ of a laugh.

“I love you so much. God, it hurts. Not some soft pain your chest, but this great broiling _hurt_ right where the heart should be. And it’s all the time, god it makes me want to scream.”

Killua was quiet for a little.

“You say you don’t want to see me? I’m too selfish to care. If you run, I will chase you. If you try to die, I will stop you. I don’t even care if you love me back, I just want to be with you again.”

They were both quiet.

There was dead crackling silence.

It stretched for one minute, then two, then five.

“Moron.”

Killua hung up.

**Author's Note:**

> F U C K  
> One syllable, all emphasis, hard F Fuck.
> 
> Why do I feel these feelings.  
> I don't even know if this was good.  
> It's entirely possible I'm blinded by feels.


End file.
